i have had enough of this. please stop comparing me with my friends. yes, they are smart, they are hardworking i concede and i will always be that stupid loser in your eyes, who will NEVER EVER live up to your expectations. you ALWAYS compare me to my friends but whenever i ask you why my friend can have this and why can't i, you always ask me NOT TO COMPARE. it is ironic, is it not? that you are not practising what you preach. it disgusts and annoys me because you are not setting a good example yourself. i know, i can sense your disappointment in me and i try very hard to better myself each time. but somehow the results just do not show. i have not done well this semester and you just scolded me again. can you, for once, look at the EFFORT that i have put in for the test and not the end result. yes, i admit the end result is important, but can you please LOOK CLEARLY at the number of nights i stay up late just to study. no, you will NEVER appreciate the hard work i put in because all that matters to you is my results. then, you start comparing me to my sisters as if comparing me to my friends isn't bad enough. my sisters are way smarter than i am, i know that, i acknowledge that, but do you have to rub it in? because YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME. :( and i appear as though i am indifferent about the results i get in front of you. because i don't want you to see that i am tearing inside. tearing because i too am disappointed in myself. i bet you will NEVER realise that! i know this year is a crucial year for me and i am willing to put in my 101% best effort to ace the a-levels. but please, i really really need your support and all. for a start, PLEASE STOP COMPARING. I BEG YOU. because it makes me feel inferior.

for now, i can only cross my fingers and pray. :( i really don't want to fail chem. i have put in so much effort for this chem CT paper. :(( half the class failed. oh man.

my dieting plan has not yet materialised and it will never in the near future. BAD. no self-control. eeks. :(((

i wanna get onto the dean's list again. EEEEEESHHHHH!!!!!! :)))))

studying for math CTs is greatly annoying. omg. i cannot do many questions and i could feel my brain burn. like LITERALLY. i felt this strong wave of heat in my head and it certainly affected by thinking. damn stress. MATH O MATH! :(((

whatever. 3 more to go. LET'S GO!

1) I NEED TO SELF-REGULATE.

2) I NEED TO FOCUS.

3) I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!

'nough said. all empty talk so far. :(

i have decided that should i get into medicine in NUS (i pray hard i do), i will join Doctors Without Borders for a couple of years after i graduate. and no, it is not a reckless decision. I think it would be meaningful to help both the people in Singapore as well as those overseas. :)) i am so so so excited about the thought. hehe. :D to effect positive change into people's lives, YES I WILL!!!

I sincerely pray and wish for the best for the people in Japan :( I admire the 50 Japanese who risked their lives and volunteered to mointor the last nuclear plant for the sake of the people there. Unsung heroes. :) their selflessness is unparalleled. :)

'cause i was so wrong. so wrong.

i don't have the mugging mood now. THIS IS BAD. i cannot finish revising. my tooth is aching. i don't why either. it hurts till my head is aching too. :((

uncomfortable feeling. never mind, i have MANGOES to make me happy. the only thing is that whenever i eat, it hurts :( haha. oh wells. shall scoot off now~

some people just piss me off BIG TIME.
GET. A. LIFE. and stop being so ANAL.

wishing for a fairytale to happen.

i feel the need to rant here now.
today i saw A at the canteen today and he asked me why i have not been going to our OG table. i told him my reason. he then asked me if i will be going to dramafest with our OG. i said no because i have CCA (DS). then A told me our OG doesn't really care about me going anymore. like seriously?!?! i was like WTH?!?! if you guys don't care about whether or not i go to our OG table, please STOP ASKING ME TO GO THERE EVERY MORNING. my gosh. and to think i feel guilty everyday for not going to my OG table. -.- i feel betrayed. seriously. but then again, maybe A is lying because A loves spouting rubbish so i am not sure if he is telling the truth. i cannot even finish my homework at hand and try to complete as much as i can every morning. that was the reason i chose not to our OG table. you guys (OG friends) told me i could always do my work at the table. but seriously, think about it, if you are talking to your friends and laughing all the while, will you ever get things done? i really need time to complete my work and all. I have been failing ALL my tests so far, from GP to econs. really all and i am not exaggerating. i have deteriorated much from last year and i need time to pick myself up. yes, you guys are one hell of a genius but i need time to complete my work and revise okay! can you guys at least spare a thought for me! this is our A-level year and i certainly do not want to receive my grades back and cry.
furthermore, it is not only me who does not go to the table anymore. B and many of our other OG mates do not go there anymore, but why are you guys placing SO MUCH EMPHASIS on me going there and not others? then when you guys see me in school, you guys scold me for not going. i feel apologetic but i feel tired explaining my reason to you. because my reason will always be the same. i need time to study. and you guys will always think it is a lame excuse. seriously, this is affecting me because i do love our OG still. :(
i will go back to our OG table after the CTs so please stop bugging me alright? it sucks.
it is not as though you guys will be reading this but i just need to get this out.

and i cannot cope in school. the amount of work thrown upon me is overwhelming. CTs are coming and i have little time to revise. :(
BAD WEEK. BAD FEELING. FML.

you make my heart stir.

my fringe sucks like mad now :( ME LOOKING SO TOOT NOW. ME ISH VERY VERY SAD. :'(( hahaha.
gp exam today was horrible. i will fail for sure. :( couldn't think of ways to remedy it during the test. :( boo. life sucks.

i could really use a wish right now.

it's always the race against time. :( bad. i can NEVER clear my backlog nor start my revision at this rate. the more i clear, the more teachers have to add on to that pile that is threatening to engulf and drown me. :( sigh. i have yet managed to find time to revise for my CTs which are starting next week. bad time management. i really need more organisation in my life.

my life is boring. period.
i want my life to be HAPPENING :DDDD maybe it will be after CTs.

now, back to bio. back to my mundane life. :(